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Are you sure you arent real? No offense but I kind of get the same smartass vibe from you as i do from the responder. Like har har i have the same basic personality as dirk but without any accountability or anything so let me just be kind of flippant and mess with this jake fellas head! You know what im saying? Yes. That's a surprisingly decent observation about me. Yeah see i think i maybe did a little TOO good of a job brain cloning you? This is way too much like talking to the REAL fake dirk. Holy cow what a dumb sentence that was. You did do a good job. A perfect job, in fact. Untapped potential, remember? I don't think one of Dirk's splinters could exist nearly as well in anyone's mind other than yours. Well thats just spiffy for me but im starting to feel somewhat like im being haunted by you now. I just want to talk to my real buddy. And by real i just mean the ORIGINAL GUY. What do you even want to say to him? Oh i dont know. It's not like you can keep any secrets from me here. I pretty much am your brain. Aaah! No dont say that its so weird. You do realize he's coming for you. Dirk. In the real world. The man has his designs. Yes. I know. Wanna talk about it? With you? No!! Thats like... Thats like talking to him about it which is like really jumping the gun i think. What better chance is there to try talking about it than with a stunt double for your hyper-aggressive suitor within the safety and privacy of your own mind? But i cant yet! I just cant. There are some feelings im not sure how to put into words yet and doing it in front of you whether youre a stunt double or brain puppet or whatever it just makes me feel uncomfortable! So there are feelings you don't want to try to put into words, even while you are dwelling entirely within the realm of your own mind? Yes. What is so hard to understand about that? What about the spider ghost? Huh? The girl you saw. When you got fucking clobbered by Dirk's robot and you passed out. You dreamed about a spider ghost alien girl. Oh yeah. What about her? You like her. Man what? Thats dumb i saw her for three seconds and she waved at me and i woke up! Yeah, and it took all of three seconds for you to fall in love with the cute spider ghost. Why do you keep calling her a ghost?? Cause she's been dead for a zillion years, dude. Oh. Well. Holy shit? That won't change the fact that you like her, let's not pretend it will. You're going to make things complicated for yourself. No i wont. Yeah you will. You're too fuckin' wishy washy. Between Dirk, spider ghost, Jane... Man, poor Jane. What? What about jane? You tell me. What was even the deal with that? Our last chat ended on very pleasant and amicable terms! She was upbeat and chipper as ever. I fail to see what reason one might have to feel sorry for her. Uh, yeah. You totally read her like a book. Really handled that conversation like a champ. Wait... didnt i? Look out bitches. It's Jake "Casanova Ladyslayer" English. He's packing heat, and is frequently able to parse the literal meaning of things women say. What are you getting at! We're running out of time. She'll be here soon. Jane?! No, doofus. Spider ghost. Whoa....... Whoa ok. Where? Wait. She is?? Oh fuck. Look at you. I'm telling you. Three damn seconds of ogling an alien in a blue dress, and you're completely hopeless. Stop fidgeting around like that. Your hair looks fine. Do you want me to tell you how your breath smells? Screw you!!! I am cool as SUCH a cucumber. Ok then. Uh. Why does my breath not smell ok? You're dreaming, Jake. Your breath is only a thing if your brain wants it to be. Oh okay whew. When is she coming? Why is she visiting my dreams? Soon. She's been waiting for the right time to enter. Waiting for you to snap out of the memory. Clearly the girl has the patience of a saint. Alright... Dang! Its warm in this dream bubble. How can i be sweating in a dream?? Where do i keep the dream towels... Will you calm the fuck down? I'm a figment of your imagination, and you're still making me nervous. But really who is she? Whats her deal and what does she want from me? Since all this so called untapped potential in my subconscious taking the form of yet another sassy dirk clone seems to know everything would it be ok if i troubled my own brain for a few flipping answers??? You should try to be more polite to me. Seeing as I am a representation of your entire mind, I have complete control over all your basic functions. I could trigger a particularly spirited bowel movement right before she gets here, so watch your step. Augh no no no im sorry im sorry dont! Just kidding, dude. Jesus. I would never make you shit your pants in front of a girl you liked, even if she does happen to be my chief competition. We Dirk splinters can be pretty Machiavellian but we do actually have some fuckin' standards. Okay. Thank you for promising to keep my trousers tidy. Anyway, she's visiting now to bring you into the loop on some things. Important details you shou…
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