Dirk: Answer Auto-Responder.
Bro. What are you doing. It seems you are zoning out again. What happened to all these actual responsibilities you were going to take seriously? I was thinking about what to do. Strategizing. Factoring contingencies. You know how it is. It seems to me you were dwelling within your dream awareness at the expense of your waking business again. I don't think you're as awesome a multi-tasker as you like to think. You know you kind of zombie the fuck out on this side when you get all contemplative on that side. Appearances are deceptive. I'm still in control here. Just doing this human thing we call "chilling out for half a goddamn minute." I say y'all are overestimating your mind's capability to run shit in parallel. What do you think you are? A machine? No dude. I already deployed a variety of mechanical avatars dedicated to that self-aggrandizing fantasy. You have the incredible privilege of getting to be one of them. That's right. I am a machine, and therefore I can keep like billions of calculations or whatever all humming away at once. I tackle shit in background processes that you could only dream of wrapping your exquisite looking head around, even on a great hair day. You know pi? What, you mean the number? Yes, the number. The big circle number, genius. I knew you meant the fucking number, my question was a joke. I know your question was a joke, my response was a joke. Yeah, I know that. I'm practically you, dumbass. All these things we're saying are jokes, including this fuckin' useless clarification. What about pi? Yeah, the thing is, I solved it. What do you mean you solved it? I mean that's what a hotshot I am. I fuckin' solved it. Like, calculated it so much, I got to the end. Bullshit. You wish it was bullshit. The last number is 4. Read it and fucking weep. It's not 4 you jackass, it's fucking nothing. There is no end. Said the smug organic matter with a lifespan. Look, I know you're just fucking with me because for some reason I decided to program my own personal troll three years ago, but this shit was proven. Actually demonstrated with unassailable mathematics, like a long ass time ago. Well, I just assailed it. It wasn't even that hard. Like I just kept hacking those digits so furiously with my sick 'rithms, the whole goddamn number just cried uncle. I kind of wore it out, and it just gave up. Sort of like I overloaded the system. You know like in the old movie when Ferris Bueller got the nuclear computer to play tic-tac-toe against itself so hard, it blew up? This is laughable. It's a totally elementary thing. I'm pretty sure an ancient Greek guy settled shit about irrational numbers. It was practically when math was invented. Sure, it was settled, and then some roboshades came along and owned that fucker posthumously. I also figured out all the prime numbers too. No, not having this conversation. Did it while we were talking just now. Got to the end. And you know what? The last one isn't even that big. Kinda dissapointed, to be honest. What is even a prime number? Are they the, like... really, really choice ones? The sweetest numbers? You lost me, supercomputer. This is what I'm saying. I put your ability to keep plates spinnin' on sticks to insane amounts of shame. I don't even sleep. Neither do I. I know that, that was the fucking joke. Holy shit, turns out joking was the basis for my response too. Aren't these ironic "you don't get the joke" conversations we have always just so awesome? <- A joke. Ha ha, nice one. Anyway, all I'm saying is you can leave some of the heavy lifting to me now and then. I'll keep that in mind. In the meantime, I have to contact Jane and warn her Roxy might try to pull that pointless stunt. So, thanks for snapping me out of my daydream so I could do that, I guess? Looks like you're pulling your weight already. See? Maybe that was my whole point in having this conversation. Your point was to fuck with me, like it usually is. My point was to point out you've got multi-self management issues, dude. Jugglin' too many selves for being not-software. My point was also to fuck with you. Also, My point was to ask, Are you really going to go through with it today? What? The Jake thing. Oh god. Will you just, Hold on. Let me deal with the Jane thing first.
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