==>
EQUIUS, ARE YOU THERE? D --> Yes OK, GOOD ARE YOU STILL REALLY STRONG? LIKE, IS THAT STILL YOUR THING? D --> I am still e%ceptionally STRONG D --> Strength continues to be my STRONGEST attribute OK GOOD. I GUESS THAT WAS A PRETTY DUMB QUESTION. I NEED YOUR HELP. D --> With what GAMZEE IS ON A RAMPAGE HE'S GOING TO KILL US ALL IF WE DON'T STOP HIM. D --> You mean D --> The highb100d WHAT? YEAH, I GUESS D --> Oh dear WHAT D --> Are you saying the highb100d has finally embraced his position atop the hierarchy NO I'M SAYING HE FUCKING SNAPPED AND WANTS TO MURDER US ALL D --> Yes e%actly DAMMIT, WHY DOES THIS CONVERSATION HAVE TO BE SO PREDICTABLY TERRIBLE ALL I'M ASKING YOU TO DO NO, ORDERING YOU TO DO IS GO FIND GAMZEE AND BEAT HIM TO DEATH WITH YOUR BARE HANDS, OR POSSIBLY TWO HALVES OF A BROKEN BOW, BEFORE HE KILLS ANYONE ELSE. D --> I certainly appreciate the debauchery inherent in receiving an order of such gravity from a rogue-b100ded foulmouth D --> But D --> I'm not entirely positive I can raise a hand to the highb100d D --> It wouldn't be my place OH MY GOD WHY DO YOU HAVE TO BE SO DIFFICULT IN ALL THE MOST FUCKED UP WAYS POSSIBLE? YOU'RE GETTING OFF ON THIS AREN'T YOU D --> Uh IF YOU ASK ME FOR A TOWEL I AM GOING TO FLIP MY SHIT RIGHT OFF THIS FUCKING METEOR IT WILL JUST BE ME, SPINNING AND SPINNING AND SPINNING INTO ENDLESS NOTHING, SCREAMING D --> No, I have a sufficient supply of drying utilities I FORBID YOU FROM GETTING OFF ON ANY OF THIS DON'T GET OFF ON MY ORDERS, DON'T GET OFF ON PHRASES LIKE FUCK FUCK FUCKETY FUCK, AND DON'T GET OFF ON ANY SORT OF WEIRD ADMIRATION YOU MIGHT BE HARBORING FOR A MURDEROUS CLOWN WITH PURPLE BLOOD D --> The b100d D --> It is just so D --> E%quisitely purple ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME? D --> Yes D --> But 100k D --> The situation is very delicate I believe D --> The highb100d would benefit from a proper enculturation into the aristocracy I DON'T THINK HE GIVES A SHIT ABOUT YOUR ETIQUETTE LESSONS, OR HOW A TRUE GENTLEMAN IS TO GO ABOUT HANDLING A PROPER FUCKING HORSE TEAT SERIOUSLY, PEOPLE ARE IN DANGER HERE. D --> I'll take measures to ensure our comrades aren't injured OK, AND? D --> Well BUT YOU WON'T FIGHT HIM, IS THAT IT D --> If it comes to close quarters skirmish, I will try to be prepared HOW FUCKING REASSURING! YOU ARE SUCH AN IDIOT, I DON'T GET IT YOU KISS THE GROUND THIS LUNATIC WALKS ON BECAUSE HE HAS PURPLE BLOOD BUT THAT DOESN'T STOP YOU FROM RIPPING ON ERIDAN, I KNOW FOR A FACT YOU DON'T LIKE HIM AND HIS BLOOD IS EVEN PURPLIER, ISN'T IT? D --> Yes D --> That's different D --> He is a sea dweller D --> Our feud is codified in tradition D --> Neigh, we are obligated to be at odds D --> It's dignified OK FINE, THEN SPEAKING OF WHICH HE'S ON A MURDEROUS RAMPAGE TOO D --> He is D --> How many of us are rampaging murderously, e%actly I DON'T KNOW, AT LEAST THREE PROBABLY, BUT WHO EVEN KNOWS AT THIS POINT THE POINT IS, IF YOU SEE HIM, WOULD YOU MIND SNAPPING HIS STUPID WAND IN HALF OR SOMETHING? AND THEN CHOKE HIM TO DEATH WITH HIS OWN SHITTY PRETENTIOUS SCARF. D --> Do I really have to GOD, WHAT IS THE PROBLEM NOW? D --> I'd prefer not to interact with him WHY D --> It's primarily that his advances make me uncomfortable HAHAHAHAHAHA. I WOULD HIGH FIVE YOU IF IT WOULDN'T SHATTER EVERY BONE IN MY HAND. AND IF YOU DIDN'T SMELL TERRIBLE. BUT SERIOUSLY, IF YOU COULD CARRY OUT MY ORDERS IN THE LEAST PERVERSE WAY POSSIBLE, THAT WOULD BE GREAT. JUST KILL ONE OR MORE OF THOSE ASSHOLES AND GET BACK TO ME, OK? I NEED YOU TO COME THROUGH FOR ME, BECAUSE WE'RE RUNNING OUT OF MANPOWER HERE. D --> We are YES DIDN'T I MENTION? FEFERI, KANAYA AND TAVROS ARE DEAD, SOLLUX IS UNCONSCIOUS, AND TEREZI IS MISSING. OH GOD, I HOPE SHE'S OK, I SHOULD PROBABLY GO LOOK FOR HER D --> Oh shoot D --> E%cuse my vulgarity I'LL LET IT SLIDE. JUST DO WHAT I SAY, OK. D --> I will 100k into it
Browse the full HOMESTUCK archive