John: Answer the one who hates you.
IT'S ME AGAIN, ASSHOLE THE ONE WHO HATES YOU, REMEMBER? OR SHOULD I SAY FUTURE-REMEMBER??? karkat!!!!!!!!!! AGAIN WITH KNOWING MY NAME IT'S REALLY FUCKING UNSETTLING WHEN YOU DO THAT. I WONDER HOW FAR BACK YOU KNOW IT I'M GOING TO HAVE TO MAKE A SPECIAL POINT OF NOT BEING THE ONE TO TELL YOU, I DON'T WANT TO GIVE YOU THE SATISFACTION. hey, shut up a second! i need you to be nice for a change and do me a favor... have you talked to jade recently? can you tell me what happened to her?? WHO THE FUCK IS JADE. uh... hmm. JOHN, THE FACT THAT YOU ALWAYS SEEM TO THINK I CAN READ YOUR MIND JUST UNDERSCORES WHAT A HARROWING GODDAMN IDIOT YOU ARE. jade is the girl who i am pretty sure just entered our session. she is my client player. OH, YOU MEAN THE ONE WHO FUCKS EVERYTHING UP. um, yeah... i thought you knew that? you talked to her a bunch of times, apparently. WHY THE FUCK WOULD I KNOW THAT. THIS IS ONLY THE SECOND TIME I HAVE EVER TALKED TO A HUMAN. AND THE FIRST TIME, MUCH TO MY MIGRAINE COMPOUNDING REGRET, WAS WITH YOU. oh! ok, i see what is going on here. we are finally getting to our first couple of conversations. cool! NO, NOT "COOL". WHAT IS GOING ON HERE IS VERY MUCH ANTITHETICAL TO YOUR PRIMITIVE HUMAN NOTION OF "EARTH COOL". YOU SEE, IN OUR FIRST CONVERSATION, WE DIDN'T EXACTLY GET OFF ON THE RIGHT FOOT. IT IS A FOOT WHICH SHOULD HAVE REEKED OF YOUR VERBAL RUINATION. BUT INSTEAD IT SMELLED LIKE WELL, LET'S NOT GET INTO THAT. I AM HERE TO DO WHAT YOU AND YOUR PATHETIC CADRE OF CO-HUMANS FAILED TO DO, WHICH IS SET THE RECORD STRAIGHT. I AM HERE TO UTTERLY ANNIHILATE YOUR SHIT. I WILL STAY ON MESSAGE THIS TIME. I WILL NOT BE DETERRED BY YOUR GOOFY MANNERISMS AND YOUR ABSURD PENCHANT FOR REVELING IN SELF ABUSE. WE WILL GET OFF ON A FRESH FOOT, AND BY FRESH I MEAN MOST FOUL INDEED. ITS TOES ARE WIGGLING UNDER YOUR HIDEOUS PINK NOSTRILS. NOW BREATHE DEEP YOUR MISFORTUNE, YOU SAD LITTLE CLOWN. THIS IS THE END OF YOU. THAT AROMA YOU DETECT WAFTS FROM THE BOUQUET PERCHED ON YOUR CORPSE BOX. NOBODY CRIES, EXCEPT YOUR SHITTY GHOST. HEAVY SOBS FROM A SPECTER OF UNQUALIFIED FAILURE. IT IS A SYMPHONY TO MY ANGRY EARS. so... the smell is from a foot... but also from funeral flowers? this metaphor is confusing. STFU I'M ONLY GETTING STARTED. yeah, i know! this is all that big time trolling i was looking forward to. and it's pretty good so far, and ordinarily i would be excited to hear more... YOU SEE WHAT I MEAN??? YOU ARE ACTUALLY ENJOYING THIS, WHAT A SICK FUCK. but i really am concerned about what happened with jade! my request for a favor still stands, even though this is early you, and you still think you hate me. DON'T QUESTION THE SINCERITY OF MY HATE, JUST DON'T EVEN FUCKING GO THERE. ok, fine! you hate me sooooo much, like, for real. can you just tell me what's up with jade? can you see her? YEAH I SEE HER IT'S MAKING ME MAD SEEING HER can you tell me what happened? what did she do that was so bad? HAHAHAHAHAHA HERE I AM TALKING TO YOU MOMENTS AFTER YOU DID THE TERRIBLE THING, AND YOU STILL DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT YOU DID! INCREDIBLE, YOU TRULY ARE DUMBER THAN I THOUGHT. ok!!! i'm an idiot! can you just tell me anyway???? whoa... WHAT the ground is shaking... what's going on? I'LL TELL YOU WHAT'S GOING ON. WHAT YOU FUCKING DID IS WHAT'S GOING ON. so tell me what i fucking did!!! OH, YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT YOU FUCKING DID? yes! please, no more stalling or "i already told you's" or any other maddening nonsense! just... TELL ME! VERY WELL, JOHN HUMAN EGBERT. I WILL TELL YOU WHAT YOU DID READY FOR ME TO TELL YOU WHAT YOU DID? HERE'S ME, TELLING YOU WHAT YOU DID OK, HERE GOES WHAT YOU DID IS AS FOLLOWS AS SUCH AND THUSLY :|
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