Karkat: Open memo.
CCG RIGHT NOW opened memo on board FRUITY RUMPUS ASSHOLE FACTORY. HEY FUTURE ME, WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THIS EXPLODED JADEBOT BUSINESS? MUST BE SOMETHING REALLY MISSION CRITICAL, OR JADE WOULDN'T HAVE BOTHERED GETTING IN TOUCH WITH US, RIGHT? SOMETHING IMPERATIVE TO OUR SURVIVAL NO DOUBT? HEY DOUCHE BAG, ARE YOU THERE ??? gardenGnostic [?GG] AT ?:?? responded to memo. oh jeez, why am i doing this this is so stupid! PIPE DOWN HARLEY, THIS PRACTICALLY DOESN'T EVEN CONCERN YOU AT THIS POINT bluhhh youre so funny!!!!! NOTHING TO SAY, FUTURE ME? NOT EVEN A FEW PARTING WORDS OF SCORN FOR ME OR THE NARCOLEPTIC IDIOT? IT'S BEEN A WHILE SINCE WE'VE SPARRED, HOW I'VE MISSED THE SWEET STING OF YOUR BARBS are you enjoying yourself karkat? HAHAHA YOU ARE SO DUMB YOU ACTUALLY THINK THIS IS A RUSE. YOU'VE COME ALL THIS WAY AND YOU STILL DON'T GET THAT ALL THE SHIT WE'VE BEEN TELLING YOU ABOUT IS REAL. WHY THE FUCK WOULD I BE PULLING A STUNT LIKE THIS, WHAT A WASTE OF TIME. I REALLY AM TALKING TO FUTURE ME, HE'S JUST BEING AN EVASIVE TOOL. well obviously i know some things youve said are true its just hard to take everything at face value when youre always so nasty! YOU KNOW, IT'S REALLY AMAZING HOW BEHIND THE TIMES YOU ARE. IT'S ALMOST AS IF YOU'VE SLEPT THROUGH THIS WHOLE ADVENTURE OH WAIT, THAT IS ESSENTIALLY TRUE. IT WAS HILARIOUS WATCHING YOU GROW UP. YOU THOUGHT YOU HAD ALL THE ANSWERS, FROLICKING ALL OVER YOUR ISLAND BEING INFURIATINGLY CHIPPER, BUILDING ROBO-BUNNIES LIKE A MORON AND ULTIMATELY RUINING EVERYTHING. YOU WERE SO SURE YOUR DREAMS TOLD YOU EVERYTHING YOU NEEDED TO KNOW. AND NOW LOOK AT YOU YOU SUDDENLY UNDERSTAND JACK SHIT. ok i understand that you are another group of players and you are in some sort of trouble but maybe if you had been nice to me instead of terrorizing me all those years i would have believed you and we could have worked together to solve your problems as well as ours it just makes me sad to think thats probably impossible now because you are so angry and stubborn! DON'T TELL ME WHAT'S IMPOSSIBLE BECAUSE I'M ANGRY AND STUBBORN. I FUCKING KNOW WHAT THOSE ASSETS MAKE POSSIBLE. THEY MADE YOU POSSIBLE, GOT IT??? uh huh DO YOU EVEN HAVE ANY IDEA HOW LUCKY YOU ARE TO BE GRACED BY MY DIVINE FURY? TO HAVE THE PRIVILEGE OF GETTING TO BE STUDIED AND MOCKED BY ME FOR YOUR WHOLE PATHETIC MISERABLE LIFE? DO YOU REALIZE I'M YOUR GOD? YES, YOUR LITERAL GOD, THAT'S RIGHT. sure karkat, whatever you say! AND I HAVE TAKEN TIME OUT OF MY BUSY GODLY SCHEDULE TO SCRUTINIZE YOUR POINTLESS EXISTENCE. OUT OF THE COUNTLESS TRILLIONS OF LIFE FORMS I BROUGHT INTO REALITY THROUGH ANGRY GRUBFUCK POWER ALONE, I HAVE SELECTED YOU FOR EXAMINATION AND HARASSMENT. PERSONALLY I THINK THAT WARRANTS A LITTLE GRATITUDE, AND JUST MAYBE, A BIT OF DEFERENCE. A CURTSY, PERHAPS? BUT YEAH GO AHEAD AND KEEP BLOWING ME OFF LIKE THE FLAKEY LITTLE TWERP YOU ARE. FUTURE carcinoGeneticist [FCG] 3 HOURS FROM NOW responded to memo. HEY DON'T TALK TO HER LIKE THAT YOU UNCOUTH PIECE OF SHIT. THIS IS REFLECTING POORLY ON BOTH OF US, IT'S GODDAMNED EMBARRASSING. OH WOW, ANOTHER MIRACLE. IT MUST BE PERIGEES EVE, BECAUSE GET A LOAD OF THIS HUGE BEHEMOTH LEAVING THAT JUST GOT DRAGGED IN. JADE, OUR DUTY IS CLEAR. WE MUST DECK THIS TURD TO THE NINES. OH MY GOD I CAN'T BELIEVE I ACTUALLY THOUGHT THAT WAS A CLEVER THING TO SAY. WHAT A DIPSHIT. aaauugh what the hell!!! JADE, I'M SORRY ABOUT PAST ME'S RETARDED BEHAVIOR. I'M NOT GOING TO DRAG OUT A HUGE APOLOGY OR ANYTHING BECAUSE I ALREADY APOLOGIZED IN AN EARLIER CONVERSATION, OK. I'M JUST LETTING YOU KNOW. GOD DAMMIT, ARE YOU SERIOUS? I MEAN, AM I SERIOUS????? WILL I BE SERIOUS ABOUT THIS SHIT. WILL I REALLY BACK DOWN LIKE A LIMP FRONDED STOOGE? PLEASE TELL ME YOU'RE JOKING. PLEASE, JUST SHUT UP I CAN'T BELIEVE I EVER THOUGHT FUTURE ME WAS THE STUPID ONE PAST ME IS THE DUMBEST BUCKET OF FESTERING DISCHARGE I EVER FELL ASS BACKWARDS INTO. COME ON, YOU KNOW THIS TO BE TRUE. REMEMBER ALL THE PAST USSES WE USED TO TALK TO?? THEY WERE EVEN PASTER THAN YOU, AND THEREFORE DUMBER. YEAH, I REMEMBER ALL THOSE DUMBSHIT PAST USSES, BUT THEY DON'T HOLD A FUCKING JACKASS CANDLE TO FUTURE USSES. AND YOU'RE THE FUTUREST ME I EVER HAD THE CROTCH BLISTERING MISFORTUNE OF JAWING WITH, SO THE FUCKHEAD TROPHY GOES TO YOU. I MEAN, MY GOD, WHY. IS PROXIMITY TO THAT NASTY LOOKING SPACETIME RIP ON THE TIMELINE MESSING WITH YOUR HEAD? IS THAT WHAT'S CAUSING YOU TO FEEL PITY FOR THIS IMBECILE? LOOK, JADE'S NOT THAT BAD OK. YOU JUST GOT TOO WORKED UP, AND YOU CAN'T SEE THAT. AND NOW ALL THIS FROTHING PANDEMONIUM JUMPING OUT OF YOUR MOUTH IS JUST RIDICULOUS OVERCOMPENSATION FOR YOUR OWN SHORTCOMINGS AND MISTAKES, AND MASKING SOME FEELINGS YOU'RE NOT REALLY IN TOUCH WITH. THIS IS ALL SO OBVIOUS, I'M FLUSHING LIKE A MOTHERFUCKER IN EMBARRASSMENT HAVING TO EXPLAIN IT TO YOU, AND EVEN WORSE, REMEMBERING HAVING IT EXPLAINED TO ME BY THE SMART ONE THREE HOURS AGO AND STILL ACTING LIKE A MOIST GLOBE EVEN AFTER BEING SO SOUNDLY SCHO…
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