Jade: Pester Karkat.
ok, my robot exploded now what smart guy! HOLY SHIT, IT'S HARLEY COMMUNICATING WITH ME OUT OF NOWHERE OF HER OWN VOLITION HOLD THAT THOUGHT WHILE I GO INFORM MY DISGRACE OF A CLOWN FRIEND ABOUT THIS TRUE REAL LIFE MIRACLE, IT MIGHT LIFT HIS SPIRITS I HAVE TO SPREAD THE WICKED WORD LIKE I'M MASSAGING SHITTY SPARKLEDUST AROUND MY NETHER REGIONS TO ASSUAGE A VICIOUS RASH IT'S LIKE I'M SEASONING A FUCKING STEAK HERE. i knew i would regret this talking to you is so terrible its making my headache worse OH YEAH, BECAUSE TALKING TO YOU HAS JUST BEEN ABSOLUTE EUPHORIA. DON'T EVEN TALK TO ME ABOUT HEADACHES. RIGHT NOW THERE'S A LUMBERJACK SPLITTING WOOD ON MY THINK PAN. HE'S GOT THE FOREARMS OF A CHOLERBEAR, A MOUNTAIN OF LOGS, AND NOTHING BUT FUCKING TIME. uuuugh shut uuuuup! will you just tell me what you wanted? I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT. I DIDN'T TELL YOU TO CONTACT ME, NOT THAT I'M NOT TICKLED BY THE SURPRISE. LET'S CATCH UP. HOW IS EVERYTHING? HOW WAS YOUR DEATHNAP?? I CAN ONLY HOPE IT WAS AS REFRESHING AS MINE. WHAT'S THAT? HOW AM I? I'M GREAT, FEEL LIKE A MILLION BOONBANKS EVER SINCE MY LITTLE POWER SNOOZE. STILL PRETTY TIRED THOUGH. YOU LOOK A LITTLE DROWSY YOURSELF. BUT WE WON'T BE GOING BACK TO SLEEP ANY TIME SOON, WILL WE JADE? NO WAY. A PAIR OF FEISTY GOGETTERS LIKE YOU AND ME, WE DON'T HAVE TIME FOR DREAMS OF HORRORTERRORS FONDLING EVERY RECESS OF OUR NAKED PSYCHES, PLEASANT THOUGH THEY ARE. YOU HAVE A LOT OF IMPORTANT USELESS SCAMPERING AND GIGGLING TO DO. WHEREAS I HAVE A CRUCIAL DATE WITH A PNEUMATIC DRILL, TO BORE A HOLE IN THE CENTER OF MY FOREHEAD, DEEP INTO THE PLUMP ANGUISH BLADDER WHICH STORES MY ALIEN DISMAY FLUID. THAT'S A REAL THING WE HAVE, FYI. I WILL THEN PERFORM A LITTLE SOFT SHOE NUMBER IN THE PUDDLE OF FLUID THAT ACCUMULATES ON THE FLOOR, WHILE MAKING THE BIGGEST SMILE EVER ATTEMPTED BY SOMEONE NOT CLINICALLY RETARDED. I WILL DO THIS FOR YOUR AMUSEMENT, JADE. TO SAY THANKS FOR EVERYTHING. i cant believe i fell for this it was just a setup to troll me some more why do you go to such lengths to troll me? i just dont understand it TRY TO BE CULTURALLY SENSITIVE TROLLING IS AN ACTIVITY THAT SHARES A NAME WITH MY ENTIRE SPECIES DO I GET ON YOUR CASE FOR ALL THE TERRIBLE HUMANNING YOU DO? thats ridiculous, humanning isnt a word and if it was, it would be a nicer thing to do than trolling! you know what i mean, stop pretending you dont TELL ME JADE WHY ARE YOU SUCH A RACIST? aaaaaaa that is something a troll would say! YES, EXACTLY. I AM A TROLL. IT SEEMS WE ARE ON THE SAME PAGE. i mean you are being patronizing and disingenuous to get a rise out of me and that is really really shitty!!!!!! i am so tired of it, and i am done talking to you forever bye karkat, it was awful knowing you! WAIT OK LOOK I SERIOUSLY, HONESTLY DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT. YOU SAY YOUR ROBOT BLEW UP, AND THAT WAS SOME SORT OF SIGNAL TO MESSAGE ME? yes as if my day needed another reason to get worse YOU PROBABLY DIDN'T CONTACT THE RIGHT ME. what does that mean! I MEAN FUTURE ME IS PROBABLY THE ONE TO TALK TO ABOUT THIS. SINCE IT'S ALL NEWS TO ME. is this another prank you are seriously the worst at pranks I DON'T PLAY PRANKS, THAT'S JUVENILE NONSENSE. I DO TWO THINGS AND TWO THINGS ONLY, I DEVASTATE SORRY MOTHERFUCKERS, AND GET SHIT DONE AS AN AWESOME LEADER. IN THIS CASE, I AM ACCOMPLISHING THE LATTER. HERE, CLICK THIS AND WE WILL SOLVE THE MYSTERY TOGETHER. :|
Browse the full HOMESTUCK archive