Karkat: Recruit Vriska.
OK THIS IS GOING TO SOUND PREPOSTEROUS GIVEN OUR LAST CONVERSATION. AND I GUESS PRACTICALLY EVERY CONVERSATION PRECEDING IT. AND I'M PROBABLY GOING TO HAVE TO DO SOMETHING COMPLETELY DISGUSTING LIKE APOLOGIZE. AND EVEN THOUGH I'LL HATE MYSELF FOR IT I WILL TOTALLY MEAN IT, I PROMISE. LIKE, REALLY REALLY MEAN IT. You're going to ask me to join your team, aren't you. YEAH. HOW DID YOU KNOW. I don't seem to have much choice now! Aradia kicked me off the good team. HAHAHAHA WOW THAT IS GREAT. WAIT, SORRY. NO WAIT, I DON'T HAVE TO APOLOGIZE, THAT'S RIGHT. YOU HAVE NO CHOICE NOW. I APOLOGIZE TO MYSELF FOR OFFERING YOU A SHITTY MEANINGLESS APOLOGY. APOLOGY ACCEPTED, KARKAT. LET'S BURY THE THRESHER WITH A TOTALLY PLATONIC BRO BULGE BUMP. BUMP HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. You dork. Do you really think your usual pedantic quips are going to 8ug me now???????? I'M NOT TRYING TO BUG YOU I'M TRYING TO GET YOU TO JOIN MY DAMN TEAM, NOW STEP IN LINE SERKET. I was just 8etrayed and a8andonded 8y my two accomplices and 8est pals, and on top of that I am soaked in the 8lood of my lusus which I just had to decapit8 myself. So listening to a cra88y asshole 8e all tickled with his own mediocre retorts isn't going to spoil my evening! OK, WELL, SORRY TO HEAR ABOUT THAT. BUT I MEAN YOU CAN JUST DUMP HER CARCASS IN THE KERNEL AND BRING HER BACK STRONGER THAN EVER. Wow. Uh, good to know. I guess. ::::\ NOW WHY DON'T YOU HOP IN THE TRAP, WASH THAT NASTY BLUE SHIT OFF, AND JOIN OUR FUCKING SESSION ALREADY. What! It's so rude to dict8 hygiene procedure to a lady. Under any circumstance! Even for douchey loudmouths with delusions of leadership. May8e you should try to think a8out the dum8 things that fall out of your protein chute for once, Vantas. BLAH BLAH BLAH. NOW MY CHUTE IS DOING A FUCKING STELLAR IMPRESSION OF SOMETHING THAT DOESN'T GIVE A SHIT. Anyway, you know my 8lood's the prettiest and you'd o8viously kill to have it. NO IT SUCKS. TOTALLY HAPPY WITH MINE, NICE TRY THOUGH. 8S! Why would you hide 8ehind your lame gray anonymity then? You do realize everyone thinks that's totally lame, right???????? IT'S NOBODY'S BUSINESS. I DON'T SEE WHY IT SHOULD BE A MATTER OF PUBLIC RECORD. I'M NOT GOING TO WEAR THAT SHIT ON MY SLEEVE LIKE YOU DO. LITERALLY AND FIGURATIVELY. IT'S PRIVATE, SO EVERYONE CAN GO POINT THEIR PROBING BUSYBODY SNIFFNODES UP THEIR OWN IMPERTINENT SEED FLAPS. Fine. Like anyone really cares! It's just lame and insecure. So why don't you tell me what I've got to do here???????? I await instruction from my 8igshot a8looded leader. OK FIRST THING'S FIRST. YOU'VE GOT TO CONNECT WITH TAVROS QUICKLY AND GET HIM IN THE SESSION BEFORE HE GETS KILLED. Uggggggggh. WHAT. Can't someone else do that? NO. WHY. XXXXO WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL, JUST DO IT. 8ut I h8 that guy! WHO CARES. This is your command decision? Getting someone who h8s a guy to save his life? Pretty weak, 8oss! WHY DO YOU EVEN HATE HIM, IT'S FUCKING RIDICULOUS. IF ANYTHING YOU SHOULD PITY HIM. ESPECIALLY SINCE YOU WERE THE ONE WHO PARALYZED HIM. I know. I don't really understand it. It's just a really special kind of h8! It never goes away and it doesn't make a lot of sense. THIS IS KIND OF A WEIRD TIME TO BE CONFIDING IN ME ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS OF BLACK ROMANCE BUT OK. Oh god, what? I MEAN IF YOU'RE REALLY IMPLYING TAVROS IS YOUR KISMESIS I THINK YOU'RE BRAYING UP THE WRONG FROND NUB. BOTH PARTIES HAVE TO HATE EACH OTHER EQUALLY, I MEAN LIKE TRUE HATE. MAYBE YOUR FEELINGS COME SOMEWHAT CLOSE TO FITTING THE BILL BUT I DON'T THINK HE CAN HATE ANYONE, IT'S WEIRD, HE'S KIND OF BROKEN IN THE HEAD. Fuuuuuuuuck, WHAT are you talking a8out? I THINK THIS SUBJECT IS BEYOND A LOT OF PEOPLE'S GRASP BUT I KNOW A LOT ABOUT IT, NOBODY EVER REALLY WANTS TO TALK TO ME ABOUT IT THOUGH. Whoa really? Oh no shit, REALLY???????? OK, MOST PEOPLE WHO HAVEN'T HAD THEIR LOBE STEM CAUTERIZED ARE CAPABLE OF FEELING THE TWO PRIMARY EMOTIONS, HATE AND PITY. PITY IS OF COURSE JUST THE TONED DOWN VERSION OF THE CENTRAL EMOTION, HATE. AND ALL THE NUANCES OF PITY MANIFEST AS VARIOUS OTHER KINDS OF FEELINGS LIKE WHATEVER CHEMICAL REACTIONS TRIGGER MATING FONDESS OR THE MYSTERIOUS FORCES THAT ARE BEHIND MOIRALLEGIANCE. Karkat, holy fuck. So. 8oring. A WELL BALANCED PERSON IS IS GOING TO HAVE A GOOD DISTRIBUTION BETWEEN HATE AND THE VARIOUS PITY HUMORS. HAVING A GOOD BALANCE KEEPS ALL THE EMOTIONS SHARPER, SEE I THINK THAT'S YOUR PROBLEM. Oh???????? I hope you know I already wore out some good note-taking pens today. All the pens. All of them. SEE, MY HATE IS LIKE A FINELY TUNED INSTRUMENT BECAUSE I'M AWARE OF THESE PRINCIPLES. I COULD HATE A HOLE IN PARADOX SPACE ITSELF, STRAIGHT THROUGH TO A NEW REALITY FRESH FOR THE HATING. Hahahahahahahaha, you don't even know how much I'm laughing at this. BUT SEE, YOU'RE TOO HEAVY ON THE HATE SIDE, OR AT LEAST YOU PRETEND TO BE WHICH IS MAYBE WORSE. You aren't reading anything I say are you? You just want to talk and talk and talk. AND YOU THINK YOU'RE HATING UP EVERYONE HAR…
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