John: Get trolled by CG.
I KEEP SCROLLING BACKWARDS THROUGH YOUR ADVENTURE. TRYING TO PIECE TOGETHER HOW YOU BOTCH THIS UP SO BADLY. AND I KEEP FINDING THESE STRIKING POCKETS OF FOOLISHNESS. LIKE WHAT YOU'RE DOING NOW. RIDING YOUR LITTLE RED ROCKET. LIKE YOU ARE A FRESHLY HATCHED HUMAN LARVA AND THIS IS JUST ALL A BIG SCHOOLHIVE RUMPUS RESPITE. humans aren't hatched as larvae dummy. we don't hatch at all. we are born as these like little pink monkeys called babies. BULLSHIT. THAT'S NOT WHAT YOU JUST TOLD ME. what did i say? I'LL PASTE WHAT YOU SAID. i thought you didn't like going down that road? copy-pasting future/past conversations... WHY WOULD I HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THAT. i dunno, that's what you just told me. WHATEVER, LOOK: EB: this is really weird... CG: WHAT'S SO WEIRD ABOUT IT. EB: well, normally humans hatch... EB: from like these slimy pods. EB: then we wriggle out as a little pink larva. CG: OH REALLY. CG: HUH, MAYBE WE HAVE MORE IN COMMON THAN I THOUGHT. hahaha! i was punking you dude! or at least i will be in our next conversation. thanks for the great prank idea. ARGH. WHY WOULD YOU TRICK ME ABOUT THAT, WHAT IS EVEN THE POINT. i don't know, it was just a friendly prank. don't you ever play pranks? i mean, of course you do, one of you just tried to prank me good. WHAT, WHO. pffffff, you'll find out. WELL FINE. I GUESS YOU GOT ME BACK, SORT OF. FOR MY TROLLING, EVEN THOUGH YOU HAVEN'T EVEN READ MY WORST TROLLING EFFORTS YET. BECAUSE THEY HAPPEN IN YOUR FUTURE. AND EVEN THEN YOU DIDN'T EVEN MIND MUCH, ALMOST LIKE YOU WERE DELIGHTED TO HEAR IT. KIND OF PERVERSE REALLY, WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU? well, we're friends by then, aren't we? or sort of like, uh, reverse anti-mutual friends. WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT EVEN MEAN. look, you're going to have to face it at some point... that you're learning the meaning of this human emotion called friendship. IS FRIENDSHIP REALLY AN EMOTION? yes, absolutely. I GUESS IT'S HARD TO SEE HOW WE BECOME FRIENDS. THIS IS SO FRUSTRATING. EVERY TIME I GO FURTHER BACK INTO YOUR PAST AND TALK TO YOU, YOU SAY STUFF THAT PERTAINS TO MY IMMEDIATE FUTURE. AND THEN YOU WON'T EXPLAIN TO ME WHAT'S GOING ON, BECAUSE IT'S ALREADY OLD NEWS FOR YOU. dude, you've been doing the same exact thing!!! I'VE DONE NO SUCH THING. I'VE BEEN EXCEPTIONALLY INFORMATIVE AND HELPFUL. IF JUSTIFIABLY ACRIMONIOUS. you never answer my questions, though. how am i supposed to know what's going on, or what you're alluding to? THIS GAME IS KIND OF A GAME OF A MILLION GUIDES. EVERYWHERE YOU TURN THERE'S ANOTHER WAY TO FIGURE OUT WHAT'S GOING ON, SO PLEASE, GO SECRETE ME AN EARTH RIVER THROUGH YOUR STRANGE HUMAN TEAR DUCTS. YOU'VE GOT SPRITES, EXILES, GUARDIANS, CONSORTS... TIME HOPPING FUTURE SELVES, MYSTICAL DREAM ORACLE DOPPELGANGERS... AND IF THAT WASN'T ENOUGH, YOUR PARTICULAR GROUP OF PLAYERS IS LUCKY ENOUGH TO HAVE US TO GIVE YOU THE SCOOP ON STUFF. THROUGH A SORT OF SUBVERSION OF THE WHOLE DAMN THING. EVEN THOUGH WE HATE YOU. AND EVEN THOUGH THE FACT THAT WE HATE YOU IS AN IMMUTABLE FACT AS UNALTERABLE AS THIS WRITHING KNOTTED HELL OF A TIMELINE CHOKING US ALL TO DEATH IT DOES NOT MEAN WE HAVE ANY REASON TO WITHHOLD ANY INFORMATION FROM YOU OR DISH IT OUT THROUGH CRYPTOBAFFLING MIND FUDDLERY. SO GO AHEAD, ASK ME ANYTHING. ok... what's the point of the game. ASK SOMETHING ELSE. ALREADY TOLD YOU THAT. IT WAS THIS WHOLE BIG CONVERSATION WE HAD. augh! fine. where are you now? IN THE MEDIUM. A SEPARATE SESSION FROM YOURS. no no, i know that! you already told me. I DID? yes, in your future. DAMMIT. what i mean is... are you in your house right now, or in one of your magical lands, or what? just curious cause you can see me, but i can't see or know anything about you! WE'RE HIDING IN THE VEIL. WHAT'S LEFT OF IT. what's that? IT'S A HUGE BELT OF METEORS ORBITING WAY OUTSIDE SKAIA, BEYOND THE ORBIT OF THE PLANETS DIVIDING THE MEDIUM FROM THE FURTHEST RING WHERE DERSE ORBITS. derse? THE DARK PLANET. PROSPIT'S THE LIGHT ONE NEAR SKAIA. well jeez, how am i supposed to know any of this?? YOU'D PROBABLY FIND OUT SOONER OR LATER FROM YOUR DUMB GRANDMA. BUT BY FUSING WITH THE SPRITE SHE HAS TO WITHHOLD STUFF AND BE MYSTERIOUS AND ALL. TO MAKE YOUR ADVENTURE SEEM MORE "MAAAAAAGICAL!!!!" IT'S INFURIATING. ok, so the veil is a bunch of meteors... what do you mean "what's left of it"? OK, THERE COMES A TIME WHEN BLACK INEVITABLY BEATS WHITE ON THE BATTLEFIELD IN THE CENTER OF SKAIA THE WHITE KING IS CAPTURED OR KILLED OR SOMETHING THAT'S WHEN THE RECKONING STARTS. ok... THE RULERS OF DERSE THE BLACK KING AND QUEEN GET THE POWER TO SEND THE VEIL TOWARD SKAIA TO DESTROY IT THAT KIND OF STARTS YOUR BIG "COUNTDOWN" WHEN SHIT GETS SERIOUS. so then it's up to us to save it? YEAH, YOU HAVE THAT LONG TO KILL THE BLACK QUEEN AND KING AND SKAIA ITSELF SORT OF BUYS YOU SOME TIME BY ACTIVATING ITS DEFENSE PORTALS TO CATCH SOME OF THE METEORS THE THREAT GETS BIGGER THE LONGER YOU TAKE THOUGH SMALLER METEORS COME FIRST AND THEY GET PROGRESSIVELY BIGGER AND BIGGE…
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