John: Answer troll.
HEY JOHN. CALM THE HELL DOWN. aaaaaauuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuggghhhhhhhh!!!!!!! how did you find me????? FIND YOU? WHAT DO YOU MEAN. i changed my chum handle to ditch you guys. how did you find me? OH. HA HA! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! THIS IS THE LITTLE WORD HUMANS SAY REPEATEDLY WHEN SOMETHING TICKLES THEIR ABSURDITY PALATE, RIGHT? uh... lame. WE NEVER LOST YOU. YOUR RUSE DIDN'T FOOL US. IT JUST SO HAPPENS WE DIDN'T PARTICULARLY GIVE A SHIT ABOUT TALKING TO YOU IN THAT TIMEFRAME. what, the last few months? WE HAVE THE ENTIRE CONTINUUM OF YOUR EXISTENCE TO CHOOSE FROM WHEN CONTACTING YOU. THE PERIOD WAS UNREMARKABLE. SORT OF LIKE YOUR WHOLE LIFE. BUT I GUESS I MEAN IT WAS ESPECIALLY UNREMARKABLE. THIS HAS BEEN EXPLAINED TO YOU SO OFTEN IT WOULD MAKE ME SICK TO MY HUMAN STOMACH IF I HAD ONE OF YOUR HUMAN STOMACHS. ok, this time i'll believe you that you aren't human. because the skepticism center of my brain is starting to wear kind of thin i guess. but you're still a major asshole and i don't actually want to talk to you, so bye. WAIT. BUT I'M NOT HERE TO TROLL YOU THIS TIME. WE'RE FRIENDS OK? hahahahahaha! oh man, look at this outburst of little human words i'm saying! from my human mouth! FINE YOU CAN THINK I'M A FUCKING DOUCHE AND MAYBE I AM BUT HERE'S THE FACT, IDIOT. I'VE ALREADY HAD LOTS OF CONVERSATIONS WITH YOU. IN THE FUTURE. I MEAN YOUR FUTURE. I'VE KIND OF BEEN WORKING BACKWARDS HERE FOR A WHILE. AND IT'S A LITTLE FRUSTRATING. EVERY TIME I GO FURTHER BACK YOU KNOW LESS AND LESS, AND YOU DON'T REMEMBER ANYTHING I SAID BECAUSE IT HASN'T HAPPENED YET. AND I HAVE TO REPEAT MYSELF A LOT. AND I'M GETTING PRETTY FUCKING SICK OF IT. that's the dumbest thing i've ever heard. WELL IT'S NOT LIKE I MAPPED OUT THIS TROLLING ONSLAUGHT VERY WELL IN ADVANCE. I MEAN, WHEN YOU TROLL SOMEONE YOU JUST SORT OF DO IT. YOU DON'T START DRAWING FLOWCHARTS AND DIAGRAMS AND STUFF. wait... you have something to do with this game, don't you? i should have known. OH GOD. NOT AGAIN. NO, FUCK NO, I AM JUST NOT GOING TO EXPLAIN THIS TO YOU AGAIN. YOU'LL GET PLENTY OF DIRT ON ALL THIS FROM ME IN FUTURE CONVERSATIONS. TEDIOUS CONVERSATIONS. ONES I'VE ALREADY HAD WITH YOU. WHERE YOUR DEMEANOR WILL GRADUALLY BECOME INEXPLICABLY AND REVOLTINGLY FRIENDLY TOWARDS US. AND SO I GUESS IT JUST WAS KIND OF INFECTIOUS AND NOW WE'RE ALL BUDDIES I THINK. IT'S REALLY WEIRD. THIS HUMAN EMOTION YOU CALL FRIENDSHIP. friendship isn't an emotion fucknuts. SEE, THAT IS WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT. YOU'RE MUCH MORE TOLERABLE A GUY THAN I THOUGHT AT FIRST, OK JOHN? why are you kissing my ass? what do you want? why don't you just tell me what's going on. are you in the medium? OK, FINE. YES WE ARE. like, here in this land, with the clouds and oil and stuff? MORE OF THIS NARCISSISM. YOU ALWAYS THINK EVERYTHING REVOLVES AROUND YOU. WE HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH YOUR DUMB LITTLE WINDY PLANET OR YOUR PETTY LITTLE QUESTS. OR FOR THAT MATTER YOUR ENTIRE GAME SESSION. YOU AREN'T THE ONLY ONES PLAYING THE GAME. EVERY GROUP OF PLAYERS GETS THEIR OWN DISTINCT, BLANK SLATE SESSION. AS WILL BE EXPLAINED TO YOU MANY TIMES. so why don't you just explain it again so i know... so i don't ask so much in the future??? NO. FUCK THIS SHIT, JUST NO. I'M ENDING THIS CONVERSATION BECAUSE I'VE SAID IT ALL TOO MANY TIMES. AND BECAUSE YOU CAN'T UNDERSTAND. BECAUSE YOU ARE DUMB. wow, yeah you're totally not trolling me, bro! i see now we are bffs forever. THE FACT THAT YOU ARE DUMB IS AN IMMUTABLE FACT I AM STATING FOR THE RECORD. IT DOES NOT MEAN ANIMOSITY IS WHAT IS TAKING PLACE HERE. oh, ok. so what do you want. I NEED YOU TO TELL YOUR FRIEND JADE TO TALK TO US. SHE WON'T ANSWER OUR MESSAGES IN THIS TIMEFRAME. IT'S IMPORTANT. yeah, i don't blame her for not answering. she pretty much can't stand you guys. because of all the trolling you did before. remember? OK, OUR BAD ON THAT. JUST TELL HER WE'RE SORRY. AND TO GET HER GROSS AND TOTALLY UNATTRACTIVE HUMAN BUTT OFF HER UGLY HUMAN HIGH HORSE AND ANSWER MY MESSAGES. maybe. we'll see. i'm still not really sold on this friendship thing yet. but i've got to go now and get on with my petty little quests. so talk to you in the future i guess. jerkface.
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