John: Alchemize.
I don't like to use the word "crazy". oh god. see?? this is therapy bullshit! That was a joke. But anyway, whether it means you are crazy or not, consider this theory: Your presumably longstanding tendency for scrawling this imagery is really your subconsious trying to express something disturbing within you. Possibly something from your past, which you have blocked out. And since you have supressed it, your conscious self cannot acknowledge the drawings, therefore they have been invisible until now. why now? Perhaps because you have seen evidence that conflicts with the worldview your subconscious has constructed to obfuscate the truth. That your dad is not necessarily the clown-loving maniac you thought he was. All along, this negative attribute buried in your psyche may have been projected on to him, and subsequently reviled, as a sort of defense mechanism. but this is absurd, my dad LOVES these shitty clowns. he's got all these statues and paintings EVERYWHERE. Is it unthinkable that over the years it was he who believed you were the one with a passion for clowns? Because of the all the strange drawings in your room? A father then embraces a son's hobby to establish a stronger bond. Or wages a campaign of passive-aggresive mockery of your interests. Either is plausible. I don't know your dad that well. i dunno. not sure about all this. but i think we need to stop and acknowledge the bunny sassacre fedora i just made. It's awesome. yeah.
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